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Family gatherings at Christmas: moments of celebration or an emotional struggle?
Victoria 
How couples undergoing fertility treatment experience the festive season
Today, assisted reproduction is a reality for many families. In fact, it is estimated that around 10% of babies in Spain are born thanks to fertility treatments—a figure that reflects not only medical progress but also the growing normalisation of processes that, despite being increasingly common, are still experienced in silence by many.
Behind these treatments lie stories of waiting, uncertainty and hope, alongside a significant emotional burden that is rarely visible in everyday life.
This silence becomes particularly evident during Christmas family gatherings.
For couples undergoing fertility treatment, this time of year can become an emotionally complex experience, where seemingly innocent questions, well-intentioned comments or unspoken expectations can trigger discomfort, sadness or a deep sense of being misunderstood.
Against this backdrop, it is important to reflect on how Christmas is experienced when the desire to become a parent is intertwined with a demanding medical and emotional journey, and on how we can offer more sensitive and respectful support to those walking this path.
Practical advice for couples undergoing fertility treatment during Christmas gatherings
- Give yourself permission to choose. There is no obligation to attend every event, and leaving early is also a valid and healthy option.
- Prepare a brief response to deflect uncomfortable questions without going into detail.
“We’re dealing with some health issues at the moment and prefer to keep it private. Thanks for understanding.” - Agree on a plan as a couple. Establish signals, time limits and boundaries to help anticipate situations and reduce anxiety.
- Avoid constant explanations. You do not owe anyone details about your fertility journey.
- Take care of your body according to the stage of treatment—limit alcohol during stimulation, prioritise rest and listen to your body.
- Create moments of pause. Stepping outside, taking a short walk or simply breathing quietly for a few minutes can help you regroup emotionally.
- Change the subject without guilt. You are not responsible for managing the mood of the entire room.
- Stay close to “safe people” who can offer emotional support when needed.
Comments that often hurt — and why they should be avoided
Certain phrases commonly heard at this time of year can be especially painful: “Just relax and it will happen,” “When you stop trying, it will come,” “You’re still young,” “You could always adopt,” “I know someone who got pregnant after…,” “Everything happens for a reason.”
Although often well-intentioned, these remarks tend to minimise the complexity of fertility treatment, place responsibility on the individual for something beyond their control, and invalidate their emotional experience.
How to support someone undergoing fertility treatment
Supporting someone does not mean asking questions or offering advice at every opportunity. Some helpful guidelines include:
- Being present without crowding them.
- Speaking with respect: “I’m here if you want to talk, but you don’t have to explain anything.”
- Avoiding unsolicited advice.
- Validating emotions without judgement: “It’s understandable that you feel this way.”
- Not downplaying difficulties or offering overly simplistic solutions.
- Asking what the person needs—practical help, company, silence or simply a change of topic.
- Avoiding comments that blame their body or attitude.
- Using neutral language, without assuming timelines, outcomes or expectations.
The importance of personalised psychological support
All of these recommendations can help make family gatherings feel more manageable, but they are not always sufficient—nor are they right for everyone. Every woman and every couple experiences fertility treatment differently, and what helps one person may not help another.
This is why specialised psychological support plays such an important role. It is not about applying one-size-fits-all solutions, but about offering a safe space for understanding, emotional validation and release—tailored to each individual’s personal history, treatment stage and life circumstances.
Having this kind of support can make the journey more bearable, providing greater emotional resources and reducing feelings of guilt or pressure.
In essence, Christmas should be a time of inclusion and empathy, where everyone—regardless of their family situation—feels respected and valued. Being mindful of the impact of our words and attitudes is particularly important when we share space with emotionally complex situations such as fertility treatment.
If someone close to you is going through this process, the most meaningful way to support them is through respect, listening and sensitivity—without imposing expectations or minimising their experience. Sometimes, simply easing the pressure and offering a warm, genuine presence is the greatest gesture of support.
